I wish...
I wish, that I could feel safe. I wish every creak and groan of the house settling didn't set me on edge. I wish, I didn't fear so much.
Perhaps it's my PTSD. That made it worse. But I never remember a time I wasn't afraid of the dark. Oh, I know, the dark can't hurt me. But the dark hides so many things that can.
I am carrying my gun with me tonight, all around the house. And I hold the unfinished teddy bear I am making close. It's missing an ear. I'm making it for my nephew. He turns 1 next Wednesday.
Sometimes, I look at him, and my heart breaks. So many broken children, broken people, were once as happy and as innocent as he is. Will his fate be the same? Will he ever feel safe?
Perhaps it's my PTSD. That made it worse. But I never remember a time I wasn't afraid of the dark. Oh, I know, the dark can't hurt me. But the dark hides so many things that can.
I am carrying my gun with me tonight, all around the house. And I hold the unfinished teddy bear I am making close. It's missing an ear. I'm making it for my nephew. He turns 1 next Wednesday.
Sometimes, I look at him, and my heart breaks. So many broken children, broken people, were once as happy and as innocent as he is. Will his fate be the same? Will he ever feel safe?
posted by Katt @ 8:07 PM
2 Comments:
At 2:20 PM, August 25, 2005,
J. said…
I can't offer much specific insight, but I remember reading this blog quite a while ago, and I just found the bookmard again and noticed you're blogging again. That ability to unload is healthy, but you probably still need to replace M., I suspect.
Best wishes.
At 9:02 PM, September 04, 2005,
Katt said…
Thanks J. In a way I have replaced M with a psychiatrist. She sees me every so often, and we work on my meds. She is nice enough,but not M. Maybe I was too dependent. Maybe I need to fly on my own a bit now with less support. I'm not really sure.
Thanks for your comment. It's nice to know my voice is being heard.
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